And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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