I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
