Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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