just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
