I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im just a social blackout drinker.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
