you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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