apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
