I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
