No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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