I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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