cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
