belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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