He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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