i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
