I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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