meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
