plz talk dirty to me
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
