allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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