Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
