he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
