woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
