Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
