ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
