he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
