so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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