Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
