you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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