I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
