if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The uberlube is also flammable
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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