She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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