Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize