Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
