You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
