i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
