well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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