Say something about gay babies.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
