That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
