he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do vagina's smell?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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