She's JV to your varsity
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's like iHOP with fire
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
