and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
