I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize