I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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