I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize