i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
