I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
