He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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