I'm going to jail i love you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
false alarm, still single
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
