I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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