After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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