i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
