my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
