no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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