Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize