So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
