She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize