This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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