Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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