eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
