But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
