Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
