I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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