jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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