While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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