I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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