Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
