i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i've created a new STD.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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