i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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