i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
