I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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