She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
