yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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