there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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