I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
