Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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